Happy Life, Happy Wife

This girl is stinkin' hilarious, and she's out to show everyone just what an adventure newly-married life can be! I highly recommend Brittny's blog. :)

Interview with "You"

And finally, at long last, we hear from the "You" in I Married You at Twenty-Two! He's not as long-winded as me, and maybe that's a good thing. :) In any case, here's my interview with Ryan:

1. When was your wedding day and how old were you on that day?
I was married on August the 27th of 2005. I had just turned 24.

2. Growing up, did you expect that you would marry as young as you have? (According to my sources, 24 is a younger-than-average age for men to get married.)
No. I figured that I would maybe get married by the age of about twenty-eight.

3. Did you anticipate that there would be both pros and cons to marrying young? If so, what are some examples of those pros and cons?
Not so much pros and cons but a different lifestyle. Obviously most younger people are less established, don't have much money saved, and are inexperienced in life. It gives a young couple the opportunity to grow together in good times and hard times and getting married young may contribute to both.

4. What part of marriage were you most looking forward to?
Having a best friend to live with me. Friendship.

5. What's one of your favorite things about being married?
Same thing. Having a companion.

6. Have you experienced anything in married life that you weren't expecting? If so, what is that?
Marriage is a total lifestyle change. A person just has to walk through the change. There's no way to prepare for it.

7. You and your wife (me!) both have very busy schedules. Did you anticipate that this would cause any strain on your new marriage? Has it caused strain on your marriage?
I knew that school and demanding schedules would cause strain. I think it has actually caused more strain that I first expected. My wife taking a large number of credits and working part-time, and myself starting a new job that is very demanding has been difficult. We don't spend as much time together as we should.

8. Do you have friends who are also young and newly-married or engaged? If so, does their company encourage you in any way?
No, not really. Most of my friends are not married yet.

THE END :)

Thanks for letting me interview you, Ryan! I love you, Snuggle Buggy!

Interview With ME!

I know, I know...I just posted a set of interviews last week, but as I was reading over some of the answers people gave in their interviews this past weekend, I thought it'd be fun to interview me and Ryan for this blog. Ha...I know it probably seems a little goofy...conducting an interview with myself, but I thought it'd be a fun way for people to get to know me a little better...and I especially thought it'd be a fun way for people to get to know my husband better. I've been trying to bring my husband's voice to this blog for quite some time (I've tried getting him to write his own posts a couple of times, but he refuses), and he said he'd be willing to do this, so I figured I'd better jump on the opportunity. Tomorrow, you will get Ryan's interview. Today, you're stuck with mine (hehehe). Be prepared to hear some familiar questions, as I made slight variations to the questions I asked in my interviews with an engaged female and male for this interview.

1. When was your wedding day and how old were you on that day?
Saturday, August 27th, 2005. I was 22.

2. Growing up, did you expect that you would marry young as you have?
Noooo. I didn't have a boyfriend until I started dating Ryan at the end of my sophomore year in college, so growing up, I figured I wouldn't get married until I was at least in my mid-to-late twenties. My circle of friends predicted that I would be the last of the group to be married and also the last one of my sisters to be married (there are four of us). I showed them, though! I was the first of both my group of friends and my sisters to be married. :)

3. Did you anticipate that there would be both pros and cons to marrying young? If so, what are some examples of those pros and cons?
Ha. I didn't realize how funny this question really was when I wrote it -- "Did you anticipate that there would be both pros and cons to marrying young?" Of course I did! Who wouldn't? I'll save the best for last and start out with a couple cons:

Con #1. For me, being young and married means going to school while married. This has especially been a big challenge for me since I tend to go a little crazy with schoolwork and put way more work into assignments than I need to. School takes up a lot of my time, and I knew that it would conflict with the time I would be needing to spend with my husband.

Con #2. Being young, Ryan and I aren't exactly "established" in life -- we don't have well-paying full-time jobs, we don't have a lot of money saved up, we don't have decent cars... Basically, we don't have a lot of things that we would've likely had if we'd chosen to marry later in life. This lack of stability can be pretty frustrating sometimes.

Now it's time for a couple pros!

Pro #1. I actually consider Con #2 to also be a pro. Although it can be discouraging and frustrating, I think that getting married before we've really had a chance to "get goin'" in our adult lives has really brought us closer as a couple. Going through difficult times and challenges together has actually been really good for our relationship.

Pro #2. Being married while we're young allows us to have all the more years together...all the more experiences together...all the more kisses...all the more fun. :)

4. What part of marriage were you most looking forward to?
I was looking forward to having a best friend to go through life with.

5. What's one of your favorite things about being married?
Having a constant companion. Ahhh. It feels so good just to have someone who will always be there, and even when he's not (when he's at work or somewhere else), to know that he'll be back by my side soon.

6. Have you experienced anything in married life that you weren't expecting? If so, what is that?
Hum, hum, hummmm....Haha. I wrote about this just last week: I wasn't expecting Ryan to be such a slob!!! Nooo...I'm being kinda mean, aren't I? Seriously, Ryan isn't that messy -- I just expected him to be...cleaner. ;)

I also didn't expect that my love would increase for him so much...I just keep loving the guy more and more every day.

7. You and your husband both have very busy schedules. Did you anticipate that this would cause any strain on your new marriage? Has it caused strain on your marriage?

Haha. I'm addressing myself in this question. Yeah, it's pretty dorky, but I couldn't think of any other way to rephrase it!

Yeah. Ryan works a lot of 12-hour shifts and frequently has training on his days off, and I'm taking 18 upper level credits and am working part-time, so we've both got a lot on our plates right now. And yep -- you bet I anticipated that it would cause strain. It's kind of a tough deal, because I've heard it said so often that the first year of marriage is so important, and there are some stretches of time (like right now...finals are comin' up) where Ryan and I are both so busy, we hardly even feel like we're married.

*Sigh* It's tough stuff, but we're tough cookies, and we're getting through it.

8. Do you have friends who are also young and newly-married or engaged? If so, does their company encourage you in any way?

Yessss. I have all of the lovely women who visit this blog! I've also got friends like Linds who are young and newly-married, and engaged friends like my little sister and friend, Sarah. And YES. Their company encourages me BIG TIME. Not a whole lot of people marry very young these days, and it can be kind of a lonely spot to be in (if that makes sense). It's encouraging just to know there are others out there who are going through similar experiences as I am (especially the hard ones), and it's even more encouraging to be able to talk with them about those experiences.

*Sigh* I don't know what I'd do without you guys. :)

Shooting

Ryan and I aren't having so many free time struggles anymore. I think the fact that it's spring-time really helps -- the warm weather and the lack of snow give us more opportunities to do things like biking, rollerblading, and playing catch. That's what we did on Monday -- we played catch. It was a lot of fun. Ryan taught me how to throw a ball correctly and how to catch it in my glove so that it wouldn't hurt my hand. (Don't laugh at me guys! I know this is really basic stuff, but I haven't played catch in years!) I think the thing I enjoyed most of all about playing catch was how it allowed for us to talk and laugh together while still getting some exercise outdoors.

We also tried out another new thing on Monday -- we went shooting together. This was a big deal for me...I'll even go so far as to call it a "milestone" in our relationship because I had been so nervous about shooting a gun. I'd always just seen guns as being so powerful and dangerous. It seemed to me that there were always accidents happening with guns -- every year, I'd hear about people accidentally shooting and killing their loved ones...and I was afraid that if I handled a gun, I would turn into one of those people. I didn't want that to happen. Also, my dad used a gun to end his life many years ago, and my husband’s friend did the same thing just last winter, and neither of these things helped improve my perception of guns.

Despite my worries and my past, though, I really did want to learn how to shoot. It was something Ryan had always enjoyed, and I really wanted to be able to go hunting with him and share that part of his life with him. Also, Ryan had bought me my own "starter" gun last October -- a 20-gauge single-shot -- and I'd been wanting to show him how much I appreciated the gift. So I guess it was in the name of love that I decided to take the plunge and go shoot some pop cans with him in a farmer's field Monday evening.

It took me a while to pull the trigger the first time, and when I finally did, I immediately began to cry. All these emotions came rushing at me that I didn't understand, and I didn't know what to do with them, so I just handed the gun to Ryan and went into the van and sat down. I tried to figure out what was wrong with me as I sat there -- what had caused the sudden burst of tears and the shaking. Was it because the shot had reminded me of my dad's suicide? Was it because the loud noise had frightened me? Or had the gun's hard kick just startled me? (Ryan had warned me that it would "kick like a mule.") I couldn't figure it out, so I guessed it must have just been a mixture of the three things.

Ryan came into the van and hugged me. "It's a little scary, isn't it?" he asked. I told him it was and we sat there for a few minutes, talking about what had happened. I think he figured our shooting expedition was over for the day because he looked really startled when I told him I wanted to go out there and try it again. I could've easily just told him we should pack it up and go home, but I wanted to conquer whatever it was inside of me that had made me cry, that had made me so afraid of guns, and that was trying to stop me from sharing an experience with Ryan, so I wiped away my tears and told him I wanted to give it another shot.

It went a lot better the second time around. Ryan had his arms around me the first couple of times I shot, which made me feel a lot more at ease, and I actually blasted the pop cans a few times. In the end, I wound up having so much fun that I was genuinely disappointed when it came time to leave.



...So it looks like Ryan and I have found another common interest: shooting pop cans. I'm excited to find out if that interest will evolve into hunting by next fall when all the different hunting seasons come around. Instead of just walking along and watching my husband and his brothers shoot geese and pheasants like I did last fall, maybe I'll be carrying my own gun. I guess we'll have to see...

Daddy-like Love

This is something I wrote in December that I thought would be fitting for this blog. It's about the way my husband loves me. Here it is:

Daddy-like Love

I love the way it feels when my husband takes care of me. Sometimes, he dries my hair after I take a shower. Yesterday morning, he held me in his lap before he left for work. Last night, he gently placed the blankets over my feet again when he realized they were sticking out from under the covers. When I thanked him for doing it this morning, he just smiled at me and said, “Can’t let the monsters get at your feet.”

Just before I met my husband, I realized I needed to marry a man who would take care of me. That was a pretty big realization for me, because not too long ago, I envisioned a husband as someone who would fill the rolls of lover, friend, provider, protector, father to our children, and head of our household. Sure, I thought he’d be a care provider, but to our children…in the future. Not to me, unless, of course, I was sick.

For some reason, I didn’t think it was right to want him to gently brush my hair, to hold me like I was his little girl, or to tuck me into bed. It would all be too corny and mushy for him to do that stuff for me, and I’d be too old for that, wouldn’t I? If he acted like that toward me, he’d be acting like a father, and that wouldn’t be right, would it?

Deep down, I wanted it. I wanted a man who would cherish me and see me as something delicate, something precious and small. I wanted a man who would love me like a father.

I pushed those desires away, though. Part of the reason I did so was because, growing up, my mom was always saying how much she hated it when my step-dad treated her like a child. Although I now think she was referring to the times when he made her feel restricted and put down on a level lower than he was, I didn’t understand it at the time. I knew that he frequently called her “kiddo” and “sweet pea,” and I often saw him show love to her that was fatherly at times, so I thought these were the things she was talking about when she said he treated her like a child. Although I’m sure she didn’t mean for it to happen, her comments sent the message to me that wives are not to be treated like children by their husbands…not in any way whatsoever. Not even in their love.

The other part of the reason I smothered my desires was because, in many ways, I grew up not knowing a real father’s love. My dad died when I was only four years old, and sadly, I don’t remember much of our time together. Yes, I did have a step-dad for many years, and I did know that he loved me. Because he was my step-dad, though, and not my biological father – not my daddy, he didn’t offer me or my sisters that kind of love I see daddies giving their daughters. He didn’t put flowers in my hair, he didn’t kiss me goodnight, and he didn’t dry me off in a big fuzzy towel after giving me bubble baths. I’m actually glad he didn’t do some of those things, because I was already out of my toddlerhood when he and my mom married, and I didn’t really know him that well at first. You see, I’m not blaming my step-dad for not offering me more examples of this kind of fatherly love; I’m simply saying that I didn’t get it really get it from him.

So I thought I missed the train. I thought, too bad for me. Some people get to experience this type of love on Earth and some people don’t. I guess I’m just one of those who don’t. Sure, I knew I could experience this love from God, my heavenly father, but from my husband? A husband has a different title than a father for a reason, I thought. They perform different roles. They provide different kinds of love.

As I often do, I held even the idea of experiencing such a blessing far from myself. Even though my heart beat faster and my eyes filled with tears of longing at the mere thought of it all, it just seemed too good to be true. Yes, I knew I would marry a man, but I didn’t expect to receive the love I’ve never experienced from him. It wasn’t his place or his responsibility.

Somehow, though, through months of dating the man who would become my husband, and through experiencing life with him as my husband, God has proven those past notions wrong, wrong, and wrong again. He’s helped me to understand that it’s okay, and better yet – good, for me to accept this kind of love from my husband. I didn’t even ask my husband to love me this way, he simply did, and it feels so amazing and so right.

I can only hope that all women get to feel this kind of love from their husbands.

Heads Up

I'll only be keeping this blog for another week...or at least I won't be posting to this blog so frequently after this week. I could keep bringing up issues that newlyweds commonly confront(like finances, problems with in-laws, etc.) in my posts, but I'm finding that there are only so many issues to be written about. And I could continue on posting about me and Ryan's day-to-day experiences as a newly-married couple, but interesting "blog-worthy" things don't happen every day, and I don't want to force it. I guess I can only keep posting on the same topic for so long, and that's okay.

I've loved keeping this blog and have really appreciated all of the comments and feedback it's been given, but I think it's time to bring this blog to a close, or at least to slow down the pace of my postings. (After this week is over, I may pop in and post every now and then. We'll see.)

I want to thank all of you who've read and commented for making I Married You at Twenty-Two an interactive blog -- it's been a lot of fun and I've loved getting to know some of you through the experience.

So that's that...be sure to keep reading for another week, though ! I plan on making a few more posts before Friday. ;)

Cheers!

Interview with Benny Boo

And...(drumroll please) here we have a brief interview with Lindsay's other half! (I didn't ask him as many questions 'cuz he's a busy guy.) Ben's a delightful chap, but he sure didn't have much to say! And that's okay. We still love him anyway. (I don't know what the deal with me and rhyming is lately).

Loni: What’s one thing you’ve experienced as a newly married person that you weren’t expecting?

Ben: I can't really think of anything that's happened so far that I wasn't expecting.

Loni: What’s your favorite thing about being married?

Ben: Not having to cook anymore. (I won't get in trouble for saying that, will I?)

Loni: What’s something that’s been difficult for you to get used to?

Ben: Lindsay is a night person and I'm a morning person.

Thanks Ben! Come again!
(I really hope I get off this rhyming kick soon...)

Pet Names

These are some of the "pet names" Ryan's had for me throughout our relationship:

• Bundt (as in bundt cake)
• Little Baby Bundting (which evolved from "Bundt")
• Dream Girl
• Sweets
• Huns
• Turkey
• Meme (this was inspired by Beaker from Sesame Street because "mememememe" is the only thing he can say.)
• Little Meme
• Lon
• Lan
• Lancaster
• Muffin (he calls me this when my head's full of curlers)
• Snuggle Buggy
• Friend Owl (Yup...weird...I think he got if from Winnie the Pooh.)

What are some of the names your husband or loved ones call you?

Interview with Lindsay

Guess what time it is!!!! No, it's not just spring-time, and no it's not just the end of the semester, but it's also time for this blog to feature another interview! Woo hoo!

In this interview, we hear from Lindsay, a fellow newly-married blogger (and great friend of mine!) on the perks of marrying young, what it's like to have a hubby in the Coast Guard, the responsibility of managing a household, and much more!

Loni: Growing up, did you expect to marry as young as you have?
(Lindsay married at 21.)

Lindsay: I didn’t think about it much when I was really young. I first remember thinking about it in high school…and I made a sort of plan. I decided that I would go to college and meet a guy my freshman year and we would become friends. Then we would date during my sophomore and junior years, and be engaged for my senior year so we could (of course!) get married right after graduation in May 2006. I had it all planned out, to marry at 22. But it didn’t go exactly that way, and I’m glad. But I’m also glad that I stuck to the “plan” of graduating before getting married.

Loni: Do you see both pros and cons to your decision to marry young? If so, what are some of them?

Lindsay: I see mostly pros for me, but I know it doesn’t apply to everyone. A lot of the “big” things I wanted out of life (travel and education being the main ones) I did a lot of before getting married, despite my young age. There are still a lot of things I want to do/see/experience, but they aren’t things I want to do alone anymore.

I think an advantage to marrying young is that the person and his/her spouse truly build a life together – whereas people who marry when they’re older have to “rebuild” the way they’ve gotten used to doing things, if that makes sense. However, people who marry older often have a significant “maturity” advantage – life experience.

Loni: What’s one thing you’ve experienced as a newly married person that you weren’t expecting?

Lindsay: There haven’t been a lot of holy cow!! moments so far. I think Ben and I did a good job preparing.

As dumb as it sounds to say this, I guess my answer is that I didn’t expect it to be this good. We’ve settled in together well, are learning to communicate well, are in a decent place financially…all of that. Maybe I’ll have a more profound answer to this question in another 6 months.

Loni: What are some of your general feelings about having a husband in the Coast Guard?

Lindsay: In the short time that I’ve been married to Ben and have been interacting with other Coastie spouses, I’ve realized that it’s all about a person’s attitude. I’ve already met my fair share of Coast Guard wives who hate Alaska, hate not having a place to shop, hate how the government “screws” them, hate this and that. But you know what? They knew what they were getting into when they married a Coastie. They knew about deployments, they knew about salaries, they knew about the possibility of (gasp!) Alaska.

Coast Guard spouses actually have it pretty easy compared to other military spouses – Coasties are rarely sent overseas, and deployments are, at most, a month at a time. Ben is home more than some businessmen are. I think I have nothing to complain about.

Loni: Do you feel your husband’s job and your location in Alaska put any stress on your marriage?

Lindsay: Not at all. We might even request to stay here longer.

Loni: What’s your favorite thing about being married?

Lindsay: Having somebody close. Close to my thoughts and heart, close to my body – closer than any other human is allowed to be. There’s something indescribably nice about that.

Loni: What’s something that’s been difficult for you to get used to?

Lindsay: Probably just the responsibility of managing a household – thinking ahead about dinner, keeping up together with the checkbook, vacuuming a dirty floor that I swear I just vacuumed. It’s piddly stuff but when you put it all together, it’s a mindful compared to the comings and goings of a single college student.

Thanks for the interview, Lindsay Loo!

Stay tuned to get Ben's answers to a similar set of questions. (Why am I talking like a talk show host?) :)